Monday, October 22, 2012

Pauwel Kwak 8.4%

I borrowed some DVD's from a buddy.  He races for a rival team.  A team known for having the worst team kit in Ontario.  I'm not mentioning names, but man , it's bad.

The DVD in question is Troy, with that guy Brad Pitt.  In a nutshell.......this movie sucks, and I would rather go to prison than watch it again.  That guy who plays David Banner in the Hulk movie is a shitty actor and he is one of the crap points of this movie.

I rode with some guys tonight and we did our east end Toronto loop.  Not really fast, but fast enough to get my attention.  I posted tonight's ride on Strava but didn't get so much as a 3'd place ribbon of lies.
I say ribbon of lies because after a lot of rides I upload all my shit and it shows a medal with a 3 or a 2 in it , so  I  click on it but , to my total dismay and anger I really only got a 35th of 78, or something like that.  Like WTF???  Why does it do that????  Stupid Strava crap.

Then, as if by some sort of heaven sent  sweet caramilk mystery I went to the Liquor store for some delicious beers and found that my LCBO location had Kwak available for purchase.  I grabbed several.  Now, I am normally the dick who insists  on the correct glass for the correct beer...........on this occasion I had no Kwak glass.  I know it's sort of like a weird  pilsner glass but taller and needs a stand to hold it up.  So I just grabbed an imitation Duvel glass and went to town.  It's taste was delicious to me....... like a good greek giro. With less feta.  8.4%.  It's strong, a tripple in my books.  But it didn't have that heavy booze taste that some tripples and quadruppels have. I thinking of La Trappe Quadruppel actually.  If a guy wasn'r careful he could really drink himself into oblivion with this.  Those strong beers (Affligem Tripple, Chimay white cap, Westmalle Tripel....) can be deadly.  They are so smooth and creamy and tasty you are on your fourth , and forgetting how to operate your remote control, in no time.

Tomorrow morning at 5:40am I will start my normal Tuesday ride/race. The Morning Glory west end crit.  It's a genius idea.  A pile of strong riders head out before the traffic starts and race for about an hour.  Some guys from VinylBilt, the occasional Wheels of Bloor guy, a few Lapdogs, and a pile of Morning Glory racers all converge in some arena of pain and suffering in darkness and suffering ....and pain.....and whatnot.

I took a picture of my beer and suicide wings tonight to post on here but I can't see them on my desktop.  So I am posting this pic of Boots en route to a podium at the Preston St. Crit in Ottawa.  BAM CODE X!!!!!!!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Vamanos Pest

Lately I have been getting up at record early times so I can go out an ride.  The Morning Glory west end ride begins at 5:40am.  But today I drove out to Kitchener to ride with a pal at 7:30am.  We took and awesome route from Kitchener out to Cambridge, through Roseville, New Dundee and whatever the hell else you wanna put in there.  I have so many good friends because of cycling, it's one of  the best things about riding/racing ......all the awesome people you get friends with. We banged off a decent paced 60km on some pretty good rollers on roads with little-to-no cars.  With only one motorcyclist illustrating his mental deficiencies.

Then , earlier this evening an idea hit me like a dance club sucker punch.  My son had been awake all day, so with this instinct I have recently developed I was able to surmise that he will be tired and go to bed early.  So , why don't I put the last nail in the coffin and make him walk up to the Liquor store with me?   I grab a few Chimay's............then I see this new weird looking bottle in the shape of a Buddha.  It's some Chinese Beer called Lucky Buddha.  I bet they don't call it that in China, so it's probably marketed for Westerners who also like to think they understand the concept of karma.  My plan is to do a side by side taste test almost just like I did several weeks ago with Duvel Moortgat and Molson Canadian.  (Spoiler Alert!!!!!!! Canadian got slaughtered, because it's a crappy watery tasting , bland, no hoppy, no anything but a bit of head Beer).

Rucky Buddha.  It's capped, not twist off.  Score one point.  Cool bottle.  Score second point.  I opt to pour it into a tall DeKoninck glass as the smell and colour reminded me a bit of that beer.  It had a small head after being poured and it smelled ok.  Unlike Grolsh which often smells like total skunk ass.  But after trying it thought to myself , I know what I hate...and I don't hate this.  Which isn't to say I would buy it ever again, but I won't bash the crap out of it like 100% of the beers ''brewed" at the big 3 breweries.
It's smell also reminded me of whatever I used to drink when I was 17---  Superior lager was often the beer of choice as it was dirt cheap.  I wonder if that stuff is still around?  Anyways, this Buddha beer smelled good and didn't taste like crap but it was about 5% lighter than what I normally enjoy.  So it was a pretty average beer for the commoners who enjoy products like Wonder bread, Trek Bicyles, BBQ sauce instead of hot sauce,   Kung Fu instead of BJJ, Blackberry phones, Cold Play and U2 and crappy average shitte like that.   Lucky Buddha scores a whopping 5/10 on the Trev scale of awesome beer quality.  I recommend this beer to slightly heavy but lovely bastards like Rob Stoeser.  It would go well with a extra large pizza with a lot of cheese and a bottle of sweet Frank's Extra hot.

About 45 seconds after I got up and decided not to drink any more Buddha beer I reached for a delicious and nutritious Chimay (it took me 4 tries to spell nutritious correctly just then) .  What can I say about one of the finest Trappist beers that hasn't already been said by mouth's with brains?  At 7% I would guess those monks consider this a possible trippel.  I think.  I think a dubbel is reserved more for the 6% ballpark and below, but whatever.  I once heard an insane man say that Chimay Red was a bit too chewey.  He sounded insane and should have been medicated.  I agree that Chimay white cap is superior to Premiere but only just.
Everyone should drink Chimay , and also later drive to  a Molson or Labatt brewery and whip their  giant trappist bottles into the parking lot so they will know you don't like, and won't put up with crappy beers .  I  mean, we're not talking about cheese slices here, where even the crappy no name brand slices are still pretty good.  Trappist beer is for people with a pouch who also shun the mainstream.

In the cursed earth 
Where mutants dwell 
There is no law 
Just a living hell 

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Insanity is what I am/ Shower Beers

Say my name!!!!!!!   I am the man who killed Gus Fring!!!!!

I just wanted to get that out of the way.

A frequent and consistent phenomenon in my life is the process of winding down apres work (as they say in french)  and in doing so  who doesn't enjoy a tasty and refreshing shower beer?  Whomever said that showers are just for having unprotected sex with girls you met on   C'mon....the shower can be a wondrous (correct spelling BTW) for engaging in 1 of many activites.  1. you can wash all the days dirt off of your body. 2. you can shave your legs and/or balls, if that's how you choose to live your life.....or you can just stand there , with old Slayer blasting in the background and drink on .  The boiling hot water is the prefect juxtaposition to the cold as hell beer that is pouring down your thoat.  I don't even fuck around with just a bottle like a farmer would do, I bring  the proper glass or a near perfect accompanying   glass.  You heard me punchy.

The kid likes his beer in the shower.  Anyone who says that its retarded or anything less than totally awesome is a moron ., because you shouldn't really put any stipulation on when quality beers are to be consumed.  A hot or even cold shower is only made better by an accompanying cold beer.

Anyways.................I rode the Morning Glory ride/race this morning at 5:40am.  I love these guys.  Genius's!!!!  Anyone who organizes a bike race at that time is pretty AOK in my books.   Todays loop was awesome and my heartrate was insane.  In fire, baptized.  Wipe the virtue from your eyes.  It's my new goal to get more and even stronger racers to frequent this awesome race.

Men with Balls

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I learn something important from each fresh defeat

This past weekend.......  I recall it  much like one recalls a dream.  I think it was late Friday evening.  A potential customer of mine calls me to inquire about some pricing.  We discuss the job and nearly agree on a price.  He then slyly says 'do you like beer? I can give also you a couple of vouchers for a couple of free cases'.  My initial thought is 'ok', but  with computer-like quickness I assessed the deal, and as if using nothing short of total  instinct I replied 'As long as it's not Labatt's'.  His reply was of course Labatt's.  I cringed a quiet cringe then  we agreed the job would commence on Monday.

In this world there are snobs and assholes. I'm a snob.  I write a beer blog that's snobbish against the big beer breweries.  I write from a snobby standpoint about everything from the state of blogs worldwide to the freakin' World Order.  Later today I will go to the beer store to redeem 1 of my free cases of beer.  It pains me to try and decide which well marketed box of crap to buy. If that's not being an asshole then I don't know what is!i=2021697056&k=ZGPNJ9b

We raced the Wheels of Bloor Horseshoe Valley .  This race was well anticipated by a lot of racers as the course was new, longer than usual and it was WOB first (hopefully not last ) attempt at organizing a race. Of course there were a few wrinkles in the organization, routes and whatnot but overall most were thankful and thought it was a wicked race.

In my wave we started 2 minutes after the Master 1/Senior 1,2 wave. ( Possibly a bit soon, as we did catch them in the first 20-25 minutes or so.)  But no matter........I lined up .  The sky threatened rain, like it had been most of the week.  The rain is like a secret weapon.  It instills fear into the hearts of some men, and breeds strength, courage and saddles sores in others.  We completed our 4km neutral start, I felt muscular and compact.  Like corned beef.  I knew this race was going to go well.  Little did I know all the work at the front was taking it's toll on my legs, now weakened from many weeks of sporadic riding,  all day trips to the beach with my son, and and unusually good selection of Trappist beers at the downtown liquor stores.  With less than 3kms to go both my legs began to cramp .  I yelled a frustrated yell, and kept pedaling the only way I knew how-by turning one leg after another , in quick succession .  I crossed 30 seconds behind.  Curses!!!!!

I later went home to enjoy several fantastic beers that I rarely get to imbibe.  Those beers made me remember that I had 2 cases of Labatts coming to me.  Which in turn forced me to drink was a vicious circle.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Canadian Cyclist WOB thread

Sorry everyone, I thought this would be a better outlet than the Canadian Cyclist forum for this topic.  It went a little out of control.  My apologies to anyone who feels they got slandered, and anyone on my team.
I could never have guessed it would get that dirty.

I just thought this would be a forum and fun outlet but it turned very black, very fast.  I think there are a lot of good guys on WOB and also VinylBilt, as well as the entire Master peloton, so I think a lot of the guys who were posting cruel stuff on here represent a small portion of them.   Thanks, and sorry again.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Castro's Lounge

Saturday night is alright for drinking if you don't have a race the next morning, and on this past weekend I had no race.  We set out for Castro's Lounge in the Beaches area of Toronto.  I decided that we had to meet there because I knew they had Westmalle there.  I had been there once before , but like an oaf I didn't look at the beer menu.  I saw that they had Delerium on tap and I just kept ordering that.  Which in and of itself isn't a huge problem, but being in a bar that sells all the Trappist ale's (save the new Gregorios Trappist)....I should have taken a look.

Castro's does boast a picture of the Branch Davidian's David Koresh on the wall which was  pretty cool

We sit down, my pal Tom and I.  With our wonderful dates.  He says to me "this beer list is going to blow your mind'.  It doesn't disappoint.   But tonight I'm in Trappist mode only.  (and by the way , anyone who reads this blog and hasn't at least tried some Trappist Ale is a total idiot). I order a Westmalle.  This is maybe my favorite beer I've had so far.  9.5% and it goes down like a light beer.  Westmalle is a serious beer. It's good enough that I don't risk sullying the evening with any food.  Castro's Lounge has a very cool laid back feel to it....but people don't go there for the stellar service or the awesome menu.  The service isn't bad, but it's not , say, The Bier Bistro.  The food is pretty crappy I'm told by my tablemates.  I wouldn't know cuz I don't dig on swine.

The order of my beer consumption is as follows, and should you find yourself there in the future, or in the past please follow my lead.  I know what I'm doing.  Westmalle Tripel. Rochefort 10. Westvleteren 8, Orval. Now I'm getting drunk.  But I'm not screaming Deicide lyrics or throwing chairs around.  The biggest flaw I can find with this pretty cool establishment is that as serious as they take their beer, they don't have their shit together when it comes to the correct glass.  For each beer I ordered they brought me the wrong kind of glass.  Rochefort doesn't come in a tulip glass. Rochefort uses a chalice or even a wide mouth chalise.  Their efforts were lost on my superior knowledge and palette.

Rocherfort in a tulip glass....has this world gone topsy turvy?

They weren't too far off on the Westvleteren glass.

Considering that they take the care to have all the beers that they advertise, in stock  unlike the BierMarkt Esplinade, that magically 'just ran out'. I will  give a shoutt out for that.  The wrong glasses thing was a real disappointment and I think they need to remedy that if they want to remain one of the city's coolest exotic beer pubs . I didn't actually try any of the food there but all 3 of my friends agreed that the food looked and tasted as if quality was job #2.  Again, I won't say the service was great, but it wasn't bad per se. None of the servers were bitches.  They did screw up our bill by adding 3 $10 beers , but when I questioned it they quickly fixed the problem.  

I'm going out on a limb here and I hope no one tries to cut it off on me.  I would still and will still go back there several more times this week.  I am going to give it an 8.5% out of 10.  If they fixed the glasses thing they are a 9% or more.  Hell they can hire  stinky hippies or ugly women with their kids birthdays tattoo'd across their chest, I wouldn't care , I like the place

Monday, July 23, 2012

Seven Churches, seven priests

I'm sure I'm going to get into this self-appointed new assignment of comparing beers.  I've always had a sort of black or white kind of attitude towards most things.  So I find it pretty easy to totally flog a beer that's not top shelf material.

Tonight's night off brings me to 2 totally different beers.   Representing the dark side I have purchased Leffe Brun, and representing  the pale side I have Alexander Keith's India Pale Ale.

Opening a Leffe is almost like opening an awesome Christmas or birthday present, like if someone gives you a Possessed-Seven Churches 7" record, but cooler because its got a this gold-leaf like tinfoil around the neck.  I like it.

I'm not crazy about the new logo, but it's deliciousness hasn't changed a bit

I crack the Leffe and the first thing I can smell is a hint of Caramel.  (Not Carmel, I hate when people say carmel) . I pour it into it's home and the delicious foam rides to the top. Confirming to me that I am nothing if not a masterful pourer. It smells so good.  You know the smell when you are in one of the U-Brew-it  breweries and your mouth is watering?  Like that.  Doesn't smell like bad beer breath, or beer soaked t shirt, or spilled beer or any of the other gross beer related smells.  It just smells like something you want to put in your mouth.  I would seriously consider wearing a Leffe Brun cologne if there was one.  Just drinking it makes all your worries go away, except if it makes you remember how much money you have spent in the past on crap beer, or how much daycare in Toronto costs.  Of all the Belgian beers that I buy this one is the only ones that tastes nothing like anything else.  A total original.  Superior to Leffe Blonde even and one of the best darker Abbey beers ever.

They should qualify that the word "pale" means it pale's in comparison to drinking warm flat Budweiser

Keith's India Pale Ale.  They have really done a diservice to the IPA title and community.  Unless I'm a total idiot (remember no gray area) IPA's were brewed originally to last the entire ship voyage from Britain to India, so they used more hops and more alcohol to retard spoilage.   But c'mon....this can of creamed crap only has 5% alcohol and I can barely taste anything hoppy.  In fact, it's almost absent of any taste.  Its got less fizz than Coors Lite, so it feels rotting apple juice.  There isn't really too much head when it's poured.  It's the flattest beer I've ever had.  As any one who has read more than one of my blogs will surely tell you , I'm not normally prone to hyperbole, but this is one tasteless beverage.  I have had some Pale Ale's before.  I really like Gouden Carolous Ambrio , which I have shown in this blog last year .  That beer has some bite!!! This Keith's Pale ale is like eating a loaf of bread that's been soaking in dirty dish water all day.  Boooo to you guys.  Grow a vagina and learn how to make beer.