Saturday, September 1, 2012

Vamanos Pest

Lately I have been getting up at record early times so I can go out an ride.  The Morning Glory west end ride begins at 5:40am.  But today I drove out to Kitchener to ride with a pal at 7:30am.  We took and awesome route from Kitchener out to Cambridge, through Roseville, New Dundee and whatever the hell else you wanna put in there.  I have so many good friends because of cycling, it's one of  the best things about riding/racing ......all the awesome people you get friends with. We banged off a decent paced 60km on some pretty good rollers on roads with little-to-no cars.  With only one motorcyclist illustrating his mental deficiencies.

Then , earlier this evening an idea hit me like a dance club sucker punch.  My son had been awake all day, so with this instinct I have recently developed I was able to surmise that he will be tired and go to bed early.  So , why don't I put the last nail in the coffin and make him walk up to the Liquor store with me?   I grab a few Chimay's............then I see this new weird looking bottle in the shape of a Buddha.  It's some Chinese Beer called Lucky Buddha.  I bet they don't call it that in China, so it's probably marketed for Westerners who also like to think they understand the concept of karma.  My plan is to do a side by side taste test almost just like I did several weeks ago with Duvel Moortgat and Molson Canadian.  (Spoiler Alert!!!!!!! Canadian got slaughtered, because it's a crappy watery tasting , bland, no hoppy, no anything but a bit of head Beer).

Rucky Buddha.  It's capped, not twist off.  Score one point.  Cool bottle.  Score second point.  I opt to pour it into a tall DeKoninck glass as the smell and colour reminded me a bit of that beer.  It had a small head after being poured and it smelled ok.  Unlike Grolsh which often smells like total skunk ass.  But after trying it thought to myself , I know what I hate...and I don't hate this.  Which isn't to say I would buy it ever again, but I won't bash the crap out of it like 100% of the beers ''brewed" at the big 3 breweries.
It's smell also reminded me of whatever I used to drink when I was 17---  Superior lager was often the beer of choice as it was dirt cheap.  I wonder if that stuff is still around?  Anyways, this Buddha beer smelled good and didn't taste like crap but it was about 5% lighter than what I normally enjoy.  So it was a pretty average beer for the commoners who enjoy products like Wonder bread, Trek Bicyles, BBQ sauce instead of hot sauce,   Kung Fu instead of BJJ, Blackberry phones, Cold Play and U2 and crappy average shitte like that.   Lucky Buddha scores a whopping 5/10 on the Trev scale of awesome beer quality.  I recommend this beer to slightly heavy but lovely bastards like Rob Stoeser.  It would go well with a extra large pizza with a lot of cheese and a bottle of sweet Frank's Extra hot.

About 45 seconds after I got up and decided not to drink any more Buddha beer I reached for a delicious and nutritious Chimay (it took me 4 tries to spell nutritious correctly just then) .  What can I say about one of the finest Trappist beers that hasn't already been said by mouth's with brains?  At 7% I would guess those monks consider this a possible trippel.  I think.  I think a dubbel is reserved more for the 6% ballpark and below, but whatever.  I once heard an insane man say that Chimay Red was a bit too chewey.  He sounded insane and should have been medicated.  I agree that Chimay white cap is superior to Premiere but only just.
Everyone should drink Chimay , and also later drive to  a Molson or Labatt brewery and whip their  giant trappist bottles into the parking lot so they will know you don't like, and won't put up with crappy beers .  I  mean, we're not talking about cheese slices here, where even the crappy no name brand slices are still pretty good.  Trappist beer is for people with a pouch who also shun the mainstream.

In the cursed earth 
Where mutants dwell 
There is no law 
Just a living hell 


  1. Superior was also a perfect beer to, as a teenager, smuggle in to the movie theatre to watch classics such as Road House and Jacob's Ladder.