A Thursday in Hell/ What the Hell have I gotten myself into? Part 2

So I go back to the Sports Study place today for the last bit of my testing.  The guy Saro tells me that there are some changes.  I will still have to do a near  30 minute warm up, but I won't have to ride in the jacket for 90 minutes.  For the purposes of the study he can't tell me how long I will be riding for.  He also hands down some bad news.  I have to do it without any water.  He also asks me how I felt the other day.  How hot was the jacket? He asks.  I was thinking it was hot, but not as hot as I would expect an electric jacket to feel.  He says today will be much worse.  I soon find that as hot as I was the other day......spinning at 90rpm in a room with no fan, while wearing a winter jacket and some compression netting over it, it was going to get way, way worse.

We have the technology
We have the capability to make the worlds first bionic man
Trevor Doyle will be that man
Better than he was before
Better, Stronger, Faster

This jacket feels like an electric blanket, but all over.  Really, really hot.  It was like riding your bike on the hottest day imaginable, but with no wind, and no water.  I could feel this gross food, or remnants of food moving up my throat.  A weird sensation I had never felt before.  I could smell my breakfast.  Fried egg sandwich on 12 grain bread, with tons of Frank Hot sauce, 1 apple, 1 organic banana, and some ciabatta bread.  Anyways, it was bad.

This was the reading for the electronic mercury filled pill I ate, that was slowly being  eaten away at by  hot sauce

I was soaked with sweat to a degree that I had never seen before.  Even worse than when I rode around Red Rock Canyon, Nevada in June during a heat wave, and dry spell, meteor shower, solar flair display.  And smog alert.  It was hot. I can remember.

It's all over with now.  Back to riding the crit course with a nameless teammate.

What the hell did I get myself into????

Yesterday I went to the Ontario Sports Center in North York.  I got my VO2 max test done, a useless caliper test of body mass index and got weighed on a guaranteed-to-be- accurate scale.   I sort of felt like a superstar as the place was empty so all eyes were on me.  Basically all I did was ride on a $30,000 SRM stationary bike for 45 minutes so we could dial it in and get me comfortable.   Although it was only a warm up ride I was sweating like a pig.   They told me that the next day would be much, much worse.

Enter the next day.  I show up at 9:30.  After swallowing and electronic pill that measures my core temperature I read the package.  THIS DEVICE CONTAINS MERCURY.  Perfect.  I don't drink water from shit plastic bottles,  don't microwave plastic, don't smoke crack, or wear Aluminum Oxide anti-perspirant.  But here I am eating mercury.  (weird.....my thyroid aches, and there are wolves after me....)

It's hard to believe that I used to have arms....this photo must be stretched.  I am not that skinney.

I show up and they make me do a near 30 minute warm up.  No fan.  No blowing air.  Just riding in a room, at room temperature.  I'm sweating profusely.    Then, as quickly as I'm finished, my man tells me to put on this winter jacket.  And not just a regular winter jacket,  this one plugs into the computer.  So, just like that actress who married that dummy from 'that 70's show"  it can ever so slowly  get hotter and hotter.

Hair getting messy, genitals growing numb.

I have to ride at 90 RPM for 90 minutes while wearing this bad Gap jacket. Again, no fan, no  blowing breeze, no fresh air.  Just me sucking  re-circulated wind from out of a crappy semi-sky scraper.  At least I'm allowed to drink water but in keeping with my usual long rides in the heat, I didn't drink very much.  I ended up losing about 3.5 lbs.  Granted that was 90% fluid but 'man-alive' I looked thin when I was done.

I'm sweating like hell and just riding the bars.

I have to go back in 2 days to do either a worse test or an easier test.  They won't tell me.

Regardless, it still wasn't as bad as trying to chase Bruce Bird and the Wheels of Bloor guys on Sunday.

Here are pics of me doing this thing, accompanied by a wicked picture of my dinner.

The secret to a strong, healthy head of hair is Dove. Blood.

Tonight I got invited to go ride at Albion Hills, a popular mountain bike course.  I haven't ridden my mountain bike for a little over a year, and although I still maintain road racing is harder than cross country mountain bike racing I have always been aware of the not-so-subtle difference between the riders.  Despite the fact that  I have 3 biers in me as I type this I will not be dissuaded from attempting to illustrate these differences.  I will maintain until my death that mountain bikers, in general, are nicer, friendlier people than roadies.

1) I showed up 15 minutes late for tonight's ride.  To my surprise everyone was still waiting for us.  If that were a road ride I most likely would have ridden  alone.

2)During this ride I was fortunate enough to be among the fast group, and at every trail head we stopped and waited for the slower riders to catch up.  No snarky comments, and no boasting about speed.

3)At the end of the ride we met everyone at the parking lot.  All smiling faces, and no one was in a rush to leave.  I pulled out a cooler of beer and offered up its contents to any takers.  Everyone smiled, but then then produced their own beer.  Then one guy pops open his trunk and unloads a pile of firewood and promptly builds a Texas-style wildfire.   Everyone then sits around talking about mountain bike related stuff and drinks their beer.  If that were a road ride the first few guys to get back to the parking lot would have undressed, packed up and left.  Even if everyone caught them before they left there would have been a comment about how how the leaders were hammering, even though they haven't been feeling good, or they haven't ridden much lately.  No one would have produced any beer for themselves, let alone for anyone else.

Mountain bikers, for some reason, are way friendlier, and seem to take their sport much less seriously once they're off the bike.  I say this all as a former mountain bike rider/racer and a now converted Road racer.

Not so much a complaint as it is an observation.

Indirect hit

The season is basically over.  The guys have come back from Belgium, Vic is back from Germany.  I had a better last quarter of the season.  Marc finally convinced me to get a power meter.  (not sure how I feel about that yet....) I've also served my time at Invita Sport and am looking forward to having Saturdays off.  So it's time to think about drinking some beer, watching the CX races, and buying some boots for winter.

I went to meet the team again tonight as per the training schedule, and no one was there.  Why this always happens ?  I don't know.  I rode for a while with Rob D'Amico, which was probably every bit as useful as riding with the team.

this weekend in pictures..........

Vic and Hanka  living it up again. In Germany.

Victor again, with Eric Zabel

                                                             

Not nearly as tasty as you would think

fairly tasty

This meal gave me the strength I needed to pop the cork out of that Chimay

This was actually La Trappe in a Hoegaarden glass, and I can safely wear that shirt.  My last name was O'Doyle 5 or 6 generations ago.

the view from Kevin's awesome Queen and Spadina loft, before we went out for beer in Little italy

I think this is a Corn snake.  On the way up to Hockley Valley.  Alone.  No friends would join me.  MB, DK.....